


In the Face of Evil

by Darkrealmist



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain Marvel (2019), Disney - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Afterlife, Alcohol, Aliens, Bars and Pubs, Cats, Comedy, Competition, Crossover, Demons, Fantasy, Fish out of Water, Gen, Gods, Humor, Inhumans (Marvel), Parasites, Science Fiction, Stabbing, Tentacles, Undead, Villains, Wordcount: 100-1.000, Wordcount: 500-1.000, Wordcount: Under 10.000, World Domination, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-06 14:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20292643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkrealmist/pseuds/Darkrealmist
Summary: The Asgardian Goddess of Death and Earth’s prototype for Satan walk into a bar.





	In the Face of Evil

In the Face of Evil

Author’s Note: Titled after the eponymous song featured in the second trailer for _Thor: Ragnarok_. Enjoy the story and R&R.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to or of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, _Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D._, or Marvel Comics.

Summary:

The Asgardian Goddess of Death and Earth’s prototype for Satan walk into a bar.

* * *

The planet of Kitson was a nasty place, absent any basic scrap of decency. But like any other rock floating through space, at least it came fully stocked with alcohol.

Thousands of years imprisoned by her father. Odinsdotter. What a shameful fall from grace. He used to be as bloodthirsty as her. Up till he went senile and decided to be a benevolent king.

She’d been so close to her ambition to rule the cosmos, if not for the Fire Demon, Surtur. She had her brother Thor to thank for that.

Then she died and wound up in this hovel. Was it even truly Kitson? Those Who Sit Above in Shadow were probably laughing at Odin’s firstborn toiling in the galaxy’s anus.

Whether the brothel world constituted an improvement over the bleak tedium of Hel was debatable.

Nonetheless, Hela made it her home away from home, sticking Necroswords into all the gamblers and drunks, sparing only the barkeep.

Apparently, one of the should-be corpses didn’t get the message. It rose and shuffled beside her.

“Oh, look. Still alive.”

Undead hardly affected her, resurrected Einherjar army, pet wolf, and whatnot.

“You put a knife in me.”

“I’m Hela. I must say, you seem different than the Berserkers I’m familiar with. Where are you from?”

“Earth.”

“Midgard! I hadn’t realized the savages of the Nine Realms achieved reanimation!”

“You’re Asgardian.”

“Darling, I’m the Goddess of Death.”

The zombie’s tissue flaked away, parasites aggregating to form a tentacled skull. “I am the Great Alveus, god of Inhumans. The humans…They know me as their Devil.”

“A failed experiment,” Hela emitted a disgusted sound.

“The Kree who last called me such lost his face.”

Hive presented his host body’s palm, prepared to release a stream of his flesh-eating microcellular organisms. Hela manifested a dagger and casually jabbed his ribs.

“You can’t kill me. I’m already dead.” The ancient Inhuman registered no pain.

“Neither can you, except I’d have slain you while alive, just the same.”

An orange-furred kitty prowled the table.

Alone in a dive with two of the universe’s most feared evils, the bartender thought he held up rather calmly, but seeing the feline actually caused him to bristle.

“It’s a cat,” Hive snarled.

“No, it isn’t.”

Said “cat” opened her mouth, unleashing tentacles that dwarfed Hive’s. In an appalling display, she swallowed herself, transporting back to her native 199999.

Hela ran black nails through her hair, nigh conjuring her headdress inadvertently. Their dust didn’t seriously end up cat chow in a Flerkin’s pocket dimension, did it?

Queen, god, monster – It mattered not. Every race dreaded the Flerkin.

“Can I buy you a drink, dear? It’s going to be a long afterlife.”

Alveus survived millennia stranded on Maveth. What was another eternity?


End file.
